Here is a play by play of my most recent (3rd) speed dating episode. I consider it the most successful to date.Girl 1: I don't remember what she did for a living. Works in Norwood and lives in Crescent Springs. She grew up in West Chester, went to OU and was pretty promising.
Girl 2: Blonde and probably too thick for me. Also lives in Crescent Springs and had lived her whole life in N. KY. She laughed a lot and it was a really annoying laugh. Nothing too interesting about her.
Girl 3: The highlight of this came towards the end when I asked what she did for a living and she told me she was a school psychologist. I asked if she was picking up on some abandonment issues or a little Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. She found this hilarious and laughed into the first 10 seconds or so with the next guy.
Girl 4: There weren't enough girls to go around, so I had a bye with some other dude. Girl 4 joined up with a few minutes to go. She had on a shirt that read 'Cincinnati Eye Bank'. I made a comment that I was thinking about depositing my eyes into a savings account and trying to draw some interest—she didn't find it nearly as funny as I. I then asked what she did for a living and she replied that she harvests eyes. I asked if she used a melon baller type instrument and she informed me that this was a common misconception. At this point in time the conversation was then taken over by the other guy, who I've dubbed Rusty Grinder. He told her that he frequently gets metal in his eyes while at work (grinding rusty metal). He typically removes it with a magnet. She informed him that was really bad to do and he should go see a Dr. when that happens. He then told the story of how he had a particularly large fragment of rusty metal embedded into his eye that the magnet trick wouldn't work on. He went to a physician who then drilled out the piece of rusty metal. Rusty then attempted to make this story into a catharsis talking about how many things he took for granted before this experience and how it changed his life. He then elated praise towards those in the eye care industry. My expression changed from 'what the hell is wrong with you?' to her and then back to 'what the hell is wrong with you?' to him.
Girl 5: A Mercy graduate. She also attended St. Catherine's grade school. I told her I couldn't remember where St. Catherine's was, and she said Westwood. She grew up there but now resides in Delhi. I started to make the comment of 'well, I guess you've moved up a little bit' but decided to bite my tongue.
Girl 6: A CPA who resides in Middletown. I asked her if she worked for one of the big 5 (not sure if there still are 5). She replied no, at which point I thanked her for her time and told her that I think I have all of the information I need to make my decision. I guess she thought I was kidding as she then asked what I do for a living. I told her, 'computer stuff'. She said, 'ooh! I just bought a laptop' I responded that I couldn't really help her with that, as most of the work I do is server based. She replied, 'Oh no! That's not what I was asking for.' I then told her that periodically a friend will call me and tell me that they think they have a virus, at which point I explain to them that I don't really do that type of work. CPA girl then said, 'Yeah, tell her to get some antibiotics.' I then clarified that I was talking about a computer virus rather than a pathogen. I didn't see the need to point out that antibiotics are typically only effective against bacterial infections and not viruses.
Girl 7: I had my eye on this girl from the start, pretty cute, pretty short. Turns out she's 4'9', deaf, and a dietician at a hospital. While she could make out what I was saying without issue (perhaps a lip reader or coclear implants?) her speech was very difficult to understand. It took four tries for me to comprehend 'if you had a one year paid sabbatical, what would you do?' She was nice, and so far the only girl to select me as a match.
Girl 8: Kelli. Short, cute, kind of thick—I liked her. She had a wine glass, and I think perhaps they must have been offering free refills. She made a face and I think she actually said, 'eeeg!' when I told her I live in Lebanon. After telling her I grew up on the west side, she asked where and said she was very familiar with Western Hills—her father was a manager of Johnny's Toys. I then told her of how growing up somehow I was signed up for the birthday castle but my parents would never drive us to pick up toys. Once the Johnny's toys opened up near us, I took my stack of keys and was able to raid the castle (maybe not my best material). After the final bell rang, we remained seated. To verify the evening was over she said that all guys should have met 8 girls. She yelled out, 'I met 8 girls!'. After the coordinator finished thanking everyone for attending, Kelli said, 'I need chocolate!'. She then walked over to the dessert fondue pot. While she didn't drop in strawberries and bob for them, it was very similar to watch.
Good times.
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