Opposites Attract

So this week has certainly taken a turn for the surreal. I typically try to avoid political discussions and run from anyone attempting to discuss politics, this week I am willing to make an exception. While I watched none of the democratic convention and do not plan to watch any of the republican convention either, I couldn't help but to ask myself, "WTF?!?!" upon reading each candidates selection for a running mate.

I think each candidate must have been smitten by Brooke White and her rendition of Love is a Battlefield, and were blasted with subliminal renderings of Paula Abdul's Opposites Attract. If one could come up with the most unlikely, most dissimilar running mate for Obama, I'm pretty sure this would be it:

As if this wasn't shocking enough news for one week, the sixth seal was opened on Friday by my personal hero, John McCain. While I can't recall a political candidate I've favored more than McCain, he clearly has bad teeth and hair. I'm willing to look past this and vote for any man who is willing to get into an altercation with a 92 year old Strom Thurmond. Below are six examples of why I plan to vote for John McCain:

1. Defending His Amnesty Bill, Sen. McCain Lost His Temper And “Screamed, ‘F*ck You!’ At Texas Sen. John Cornyn” (R-TX). McCain continues, ‘This is chickensh*t! You’ve always been against this bill, and you’re just trying to derail it.’

2. Sen. McCain called Sen. Pete Domenici (R-NM) An “A**hole”. At a GOP meeting, McCain erupted at Budget Committee chairman, Pete Domenici, saying, ‘Only an a-hole would put together a budget like this.’ He went on: ‘I wouldn’t call you an a-hole unless you really were an a-hole.’

3. Sen. McCain called Sen. Charles Grassley (R-IA) a “F*cking Jerk” during an altercation ‘Are you calling me stupid?’ Sen. Chuck Grassley replied. ‘No,’ replied McCain, ‘I’m calling you a f*cking jerk!’

4. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain’s hair and said, “You’re getting a little thin up there.” To which McCain responded, “At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c*nt!”

5. A former senator who requested anonymity recalled an exchange at a Republican policy lunch. McCain turned on another senator who disagreed with him. “McCain called the guy a ‘sh*thead.’ And when the Senator asked for an apology McCain retorted, ‘I apologize, but you’re still a sh*thead.’

6.

The Best Day Ever!

For those of you who have not met Abbey, she's pretty much the happiest dog ever. Today was the 942nd consecutive best day of her life. In commemoration of this event, I decided to spend the day with her to see what she does during the course of a day to make her so happy.

She started off this morning by waking up, getting out of her crate, going to the bathroom outside, then eating breakfast. This was followed up by relaxing in my bed while I was taking a shower.

After this, she spend some time in her small, round dog bed. She then got up, took a drink, and laid in front of a sunny window for a while. After this, she went back to her round bed. In order to avoid bed sores, she then got up and laid down in her flat, square bed. After this she went to her large, round bed in the kitchen, followed by laying in her crate, then back to her small, round bed, then back to the large round bed. After this she found a napkin on the coffee table, shredded it, went back to her small, round bed, then went back to her large, round bed--where she is presently. Good times.

Oh bla dee oh bla da

So, as a means to get out of the house, get totally ripped, and get to see women in tight clothing I've been attending EveryBODIES Bootcamp at Urban Active. There is a mix of people who attend this, but most fall into a few categories: insane fitness girls, normal girls, buff guys, creepy guys, old couples trying to get in shape together... A few weeks ago someone strolled into bootcamp with his own category. I don't know his real name, but there is something off about him--so I call him Corky.

Corky takes bootcamp very seriously. He almost always wear some sort of military themed, airbrushed t-shirt, sports the crew cut, carries his items to the gym in a US marked camo buttpack, and goes hog wild when we do mountain climbers. A couple classes ago we were doing 'parachute runs'. During this exercise, one person loops a rubber band with handles around themselves and a partner runs behind them, pulling, to create resistance. I think mostly because of the mud episode, but possibly also due to my lack of coordiation, the fitness instructor paired me up with Corky. Now you might not know it to look at him, but Corky can run like the wind. I really had to struggle to keep up, to avoid the waterskiing home video of someone being dragged behind the boat image that kept playing in my mind. Being dragged behind Corky on the sidewalk could have really impacted my career as a male model.

Last night at class, Corky broke out a move that had everyone in the class laughing/impressed. We were doing a series of three lunges, and after the third we did a small jump up into the air. Corky decided gravity was a week opponent, so he strayed from the standard Jazzerise move and while jumping insanely high, did the splits and was able to touch his feet with his hands. Now say what you want about mentally disabled people, but with moves like that I don't think Corky is spending his evening watching a woot off.